Self Love and Varicose Veins

Hey friends! I hope you had an amazing weekend and for many of you it may have even been the start of your Summer! We spent the weekend in all of the ways you might expect- yard work, barbecuing, swimming and attending a fireworks show. I'm so happy to report that we finally got our pool open and clear and balanced and swimmable! They aren't lying when they say pools are a lot of work and money pits, but we sure love the fun reasons to have one, so I'd say they are still worth having. This season the pool was particularly cloudy and hard to get clean, but we did it! Rush and I snapped some pics in our matching suits and when I saw how they turned out I knew what I was going to write about in this post. Not the cutie in the shades, not my fav white Birkenstocks, but those huge, visible, gnarly vericose veins!

There has been a lot of body positivity talk on the internet and on Instagram especially over the last few months, or years- and I love it. I believe in it and I'm really happy with the conversations it has started. But I've never really felt like I personally identified with it. I have always been pretty slim and although I battled with an eating disorder in high school and college, I've been recovered for the last ten years. I've got good genetics so that I bounced back after having kids. I like my body and I don't think much about it besides being grateful for it. It works, it's relatively healthy and although I wish I had more stamina and strength, I don't have negative feelings about it. 

Except for one thing. The varicose veins on my legs. Even those I do a pretty good job dismissing, but I prefer not to show them and when I see them, I always have the thought that I'm going to get them removed. The veins on my legs showed up during one of my pregnancies and have gotten worse with each one. They are the worst on my right knee and thigh and after Rush was born, they didn't shrink back down like after my previous pregnancies. They have actually gotten worse, showing up on my calf and the back of my left leg too. My kneecap is always swollen/squishy, and they are gross. I get restless leg syndrome when I lay on the couch to watch a movie and they can throb when I'm on my cycle. So yeah, I guess I don't really like showing my legs these days. 

Let's see- what else? I've gone to a consultation for my veins and have been approved by my insurance to have them removed, but I haven't made any appointments after that. From what they told me it hurts like hell (think hundreds of bee stings) and it will take multiple two-hour appointments. My excuse for not going to treatment is that I don't have two free hours- ever- much less to go do that- but I'm also scared! I planned to get them fixed this Spring, before Summer and before our insurance renewed, but I didn't. I didn't get them fixed and here we are at the beginning of Summer and pool season and shorts season. Yikes! 

I shared one of these pool photos on Instagram the other day and I knew my veins were pretty obvious. I didn't mention them, but I hoped the pic was cute enough that no one else would either. Well they did. One person straight up asked me about my leg, but what surprised me was the number of DM's I got about them. So many women were messaging me telling me that they have huge veins too and have also been worried about swimsuit season. They were relieved to see me have a visible "flaw" and it made them want to wear cute suits at the pool too and not care about hiding their imperfect legs. Well, that sealed the deal for me! I'm ready to talk about the elephant sized veins in the room.

I've been wearing suits and shorts and jeans with ripped knees but was hoping no one would notice my legs. And now that they did- I'm actually feeling even better about it! Am I still going to get them fixed someday? YES. But am I going to be embarrassed about them in the meantime? NO. I'm going to wear the suit, wear the shorts and say, "so what?!" I got these veins from having all of these babies and they are part of my story. I hope that not photoshopping my veins make you feel more comfortable in your skin too. I could easily smooth them out, but I'd rather just be real and not care. I'd rather not hide them, and I'd rather talk about them than pretend they don't exist. 

I think it's great to do the things that make you feel even better about yourself whether that is vein treatment, losing weight, a boob job or whatever- but I think it's even greater if we can choose to be happy in the skin we're in now and in the future. 

To be honest, these are things I've thought about doing someday:

Breast Augmentation

Vein Treatment

Invisalign

Laser Hair Removal

Botox for Migraines

But thinking about all those things doesn't rob me of my self-love today. I would be totally okay if I didn't get any of those things done, ever, and maybe I will, maybe I won't. In the meantime, I'll keep rocking the bumpy legs and the flat chest and I'll fist bump you through the internet when you do the same. :) Let's wear the suit, show up for each other and support the other women in our lives. We all have flaws and the less we hide them the more normal we all feel!

PS- Self tanner is really the key to self love. It even makes vein-y legs look better! #kiddingnotkidding