You may have noticed an unintentional shift here on the blog over the last few months, and maybe longer, where I've been sharing less personal thoughts and feelings and really just posting less. I still share as often as I can on social media, but blog posts are harder and harder to sit down and knock out. There are lots of reasons for that and most of them have to do with other priorities taking my time. I love blogging and sharing and having my personal creative outlet, but life evolves and so does the way we have to spend our time.
Summer was a really busy time between moving and having all of the kids home and also dealing with first trimester symptoms. It became apparent that there was more to do than I could keep up with. So I just did my best and we pushed through it.
In the Spring we also hired significantly more help at Nickel & Suede. We were able to hire Soren's good friend from Chicago to move here with his family and help us grow the company. It's been awesome. But it also means we've been working harder and faster than ever. I've been more in the owner driver seat than ever before and it's taken a lot out of me. Being in charge is a blessing and a curse!
Over the last few months we've been gearing up for October-December sales season and let me tell you, it's only October 6 and every day I need a serious nap. We're super thankful for the good problems, but they take a lot of time and energy so that is where a lot of me and my brain go every day.
The burden of working so hard there has been kind of heavy and not something I feel super open about. I want to maintain an optimistic and hard working attitude, but often I feel tired and pessimistic and grouchy. So I'd rather not blog than blog about that.
Also we got some unexpectedly bummer news at our ultrasound a few weeks ago and its been a lot to process. I haven't felt like sharing it and it's been heavy on me so I'd rather not blog than dump heavy stuff on you.
That being said, I've also learned that sharing heavy things can lighten things in some ways. So while I don't know all of the details yet, I think I'll let you in on the latest news. We are having a fifth boy, but he isn't 100% healthy. From the ultrasound they could see that the baby will have a cleft lip. And that's all they could tell me. Cue the freaking out.
We don't know more than that until we go to a more in depth ultrasound in a few weeks where they can see more. From that appointment they should be able to see if it's a cleft lip only or the palate too. Obviously we're praying it's just the lip.
I still can't quite wrap my brain around it and there are so many unknowns that it's hard not to just go crazy with worry. I Googled it once and decided that was a bad idea. I've gone from feeling calm and ready to just face it head on to feeling totally to blame for his imperfection and despairing over the difficulties it could cause our little guy. It's apparently the "best" defect to be dealing with, but that sentence sounds insane if you think about it. I've been scared to share this news on the internet because as great of readers as I have, it feels like the kind of sensitive thing that may not always be treated kindly. I'm worried about 10,000 things from how he'll look when he's born to how he'll eat to how the surgeries will go to how he'll heal. How am I going to do it? I'm not sure. Not to mention it's something that Soren and the boys will also be experiencing and feeling things about.
But my faith side says not to worry. It will be what it will be. God can make good out of anything and who I become through the difficult things that happen in life is up to me and Him. Life isn't supposed to be perfect so I'll have to rely on a perfect God to get me through it. Easier said than done sometimes though.
Thanks for understanding and for keeping us in your prayers. The internet may be full of perfect pictures, but everyone is going through something and that's what makes us all in this together.
